Wow...has it really been that long AGAIN since I updated this thing? Jeez...nothing for 2013...and it's halfway over! Hey, I may not have much of a life, but it doesn't revolve around blog updates and such. Anyway, just "waiting" so I figured I'd try to get my interest back up for this thing. I think I tried to put up some reviews a little while back, but my pics had trouble uploading or something. Eh.
Well...maybe I'll just talk a bit about my personal life. I know I said I'm trying not to...buuuut...I semi feel like it. I still have my same, crappy retail job. I still hate it. Seriously, I'd love a new job, but there are none out there. Everything sucks. It's either retail, food service, or factory work...at least it seems. Truth be told, I'm slowly losing what little motivation I have to shamble through day-to-day life. I do community theatre for fun. I've been hard at it for about a good year now! What can I say? Makes me feel like I belong somewhere and gives me a sense of accomplishment. It's fun to work with other people for something that isn't just some work-related cause. True, it can be taxing for various reasons, but it's genuinely all good. Too bad there seems to be very few people in my general age range that are involved with this particular theatre group...especially ladies! Dang. I'm actually going to another theatre today to see a show and try out for one of their fall productions. I really, really hope things turn out well. I gotta drive further and all, but I'm hoping I can meet more people I can truly relate to...maaaybe some gals, too!
I've actually also started hitting up...*groooan*...[grits teeth] Facebook a lot, too. Yeah, I never was really that into social networking. I don't even do the whole cell phone thing. I only got a Facebook account years ago because...well...because a few girls at work coaxed me. I thought it would bolster my social life and maybe...just maybe get me a little luck with the ladies and change my life for the better...but, no. I lost interest. I occasionally checked it out, but forgot the password and never cared to recover it. Maybe about a month ago (or longer), I decided to have another go at social networking. I've been updating my status daily and trying to keep up a desperate bid to keep in touch with people. Friends are so hard to come by and even harder to stay in touch with. I guess part of me felt I'd try Facebook again. I dunno...my own little "social experiment" still hasn't really bore fruit. Honestly, life seems to get more and more boring for me. The few friends I have are either physically distant or emotionally so. I have had zero romance in my life...I'm a HUGE dork, and people think I'm weird. I'm kinda immature, but I try not to be. I really think people are afraid of this perceived weirdness, so I'm always left a sort of social outcast, even when I'm part of a group. I'm actually going on vacation later this week...the beach...going with a depressingly small group. I don't really ever go on vacations. A few years back, my friends talked me into going on a beach trip with 'em...and I went and had a good time. We had a really big group and it was great. Next year, we went again. Smaller group, yet still not that bad a time was had. I skipped last year, 'cause I was in the middle of a show (theatre), and was unable to attend the beach trip...not sure how it went...well, can't remember what they told me when they got back. Anyway, this year, only two of my chums are going with me...and one of their girlfriends. That's it. I'm just worried it's gonna be awkward and not very fun. I feel bad for feeling that way, but I guess we'll see.
At the risk of being even more of a downer...I'm gonna bring up a subject I really feel I can't talk to about with anyone in the "real" world...so I'm semi-anonymously express my feelings to the vastness of the internet. Honestly, one of the main reasons I hate my life? It's loveless...completely devoid of romance. I hate it. Yeah, I'm kind of a stereotypical dork/geek/nerd...but does that really make THAT big of a difference? What the Hell is wrong with me that I can't find love? Yeah, yeah...this whole thing is gonna make me look like a big ol' sap, but it's damn true. I'd love to find someone, and I've tried...but no one seems to really be interested in me on a romantic level. I'm thirty one, and no girl has ever so much as batted an eyelash at me! This is the type of thing a guy half my age should be worried about! Jeez! I feel like such a freak. I feel like and even bigger freak for posting my dorky-ass feelings on the internet. Eh...whatever. I feel like it. All the girls I've ever liked or crushed on...gone. Many were already "taken"...some never knew I even existed, others genuinely had no interest in me, and some just...eh...I dunno. My outlook is getting bleaker by the moment. I really think my whole world is riding on me finding love. I have NO inspiration to do anything until I find someone special. I don't wanna send up some red flag...I'm not suicidal...I WANT to live because I want to be happy and see others happy. It's just that, without real love, it's hard to keep going. I don't wanna become some old, bitter person. My interests are the only things that sort of keep me afloat these days. However, I'd gladly give up all my dorky little possessions for a chance to find REAL happiness. Sadly, intangible concepts are harder to obtain compared to physical objects. You can't buy love. I really need to find out what I'm missing...what I'm doing wrong that no love has ever come my way. God, all this stuff I just typed is so friggin' sappy! But, if you think that about me, then go blow it! I am who I am, and I feel how I feel!
......incidentally, I'll try to get some posts of more fun things than my own emo feelings up sometime. Promise!
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